leakage
‘‘I want to see something different’’ - Said Other followed by a swarm of silence.
Self felt the sensible matter of her flesh expanding, disintegrating, dislocated and eerie.
‘‘I want you to care less about me’’- Added Other - ‘‘Show me the unknown, the unstructured body, open-ended, inter-relational, the hole, the whole and the cut’’.
Self, aimed at decentering, searching for the periphery away from the institution of individual identity.
She comes to notice the boundaries of her humanism at skin level and it’s details are uncovered:
Eye
tongue
ear
consciousness .
‘‘I am plural’’ we hear her say.
Uncoding her organs,
mapping her pleasure zones.
Opening them for Other to inhabit them.
Self noticed that Other’s touch felt different. Her body grew large and moist. It expanded from different angles.
She became
something
else.
A hole grew on her chest while Other licked the crown of her nipple. Another hole, then another. As her pleasure increased, the openings multiplied.
She started leaking. A porous body, super fluid.
‘‘How can something so open feel so full?’’ - she cried.
The inside melted into the outside. Lines, disappeared,
organs mashed among each other
slashed
splushed
and mushed.
The came all into one leaky mass. Her mouth multiplied,
her voices speak many languages, mastering none. Lingering at the in-betweenness of constant translation.
‘‘Woof’’ she barks.
Blood, mucus, secretions exuding.
Now Self folded into Other’s nipple.
resting her metamorphosed heads on Other’s round soft side boob
.
She loves Other.
‘‘I shall become imperceptible, forever shifting entity,
fundamentally driven by desire of expansion towards the many faceted exterior borders of Other’’ - moans Self.
Other says: ‘‘We are having change’’ and Self wonders what does it mean to possess something you cannot touch.
This uncomfortable familiarity with her consciousness. It is rapacious, predatory, self obsessed. Her ego as a temple to narcissism and paranoia.
What if consciousness were in fact an inferior way of relating to one another and the environment?
What if consciousness woulnd’t be able to find the cure to this dark condition,
this moment, this life that moves me without my consent? if consciousness isn’t that big of a deal after all?
She pauses
and shifts from
one body to the next.
We see her many eyes becoming wide, becoming small.
Antennas expel out of her many heads which are now webs.
She comes into focus
in this new embodiment.
Zoomorphic, on the other side of normality.
‘‘We are the monsters which reside on the edges,
outside normativity’’
- whispers other -
‘‘our vulvas are volcanoes with multiple functions,
challenging bodily boundaries,
erupting.
This explosion reinserts us
into the raw corporeality of the subject.
Orgasms in the sake of ecstatic erotic encounters
with radical otherness.’’
‘‘auuuuuuuuuuu’’
Howls Self in agreement.
Other’s mouth opens again:
‘‘We are dangerous creatures. We shall shake your earth and break your rules. We will dislocate your centrality, your phallic regime. Your white walls will be colored and your constructed identity will be displaced.
We are the alien
we are the beast
the mutant
excluded
native
abused
dispossessed
animal
insect
sexualized
machine.
We will trip and trick you into our multi-linear, non-fixed subjectivity.
Your high-tech clean healthy bodies will fear,
to then beg.
Beg us to unstructure
their organs out of their insides.
We will open you, you see?
One will ask ‘how can it be that him plus her plus me plus them equals we?’’
In this journey, this non-stop search of unfamiliar yet pleasurable encounters, eyeballs coming in contact with echoes from nature.
Self saw behind her eyelids soft blurry bodies next to a silver-white darkness. All alive, moving inside of her.
Sound gained a palpable quality and her many faces braided with this sonic sensation. Sound slowed down, deep and palpitating.
Oom-pf
Oom-pf
Oom-pf
Her hearing became more acute.
Waves of sound crashing tenderly between the walls of her body.
Resonating, filling the silence until new noises took over.
As if spiralling through her ear, the inner labyrinth of her cochlea. 2.75 turns around its axis into the brain.
The sonic entity posited itself there for a while. Almost inaudible in the depths of her cavities mixing with her own thoughts.
‘’How to hear the imperceptible? That scream that lives on the other side of silence?’’ - Self thought - ‘’How to find oneself when constantly surrounded by amorphous mass of sounds we inhabit?’’
Other stroked her hair.
A spiral of being, no longer knowing if you are fleeing away or running towards the center. Perhaps it is in being outside oneself, slowly digested into nothingness where the most intimate spaces are to be found.
You may ask yourself: Is she sick? Is she real? Is she infinite and natural?
Should we speak of her as she or them? Her plurality, her meaning.
Are they connected or all over the place?
Swarming bodies, all together but apart. Weaved by invisible mini beings coming together, hive-like organisms. A living house. Animal architecture.
Her bodies call into doubt the concepts of your uniqueness and exceptionalism. Her inconsistency against our singularity.
Our destructive power and dominion, our superiority.
She is remote,
apocaliptic
An animal and mineral. A hybrid intersection of different species.
She is hyper-active
Hyper-sexual
Hyper-vibrant
Like a mushroom
Like bacteria
Is she a virus?
A superspreader.
Now Self’s body swells up as if something under her skin was trying to tear its way out. As she swells, the holes in her become bigger and bigger. It is through them that some of the build-in pressure gets out but no matter how big her holes are, the swelling is always more. She comes to experience with the intensity of simultaneous pain and joy the commonality of interior flesh coming in contact with the outside matter. The tender touch of dissolution of boundaries of self.
She tries and places a finger on her increasingly growing thigh but her nails break, opening up like shells and in the finger flesh there are small sticky threads.
They turn in constant motion enveloping her body.
It is the sonic matter that previously travelled through her ear that fills her up, unstoppable. A molecular vibration buzzing, clicking, scratching and scraping. This saturation generates a rhythm which acquires an autonomy of its own.
The sticky threads that came out of her fingernails follow this rhythm,
enclosing her from fingers to arms,
From arms to heads,
From heads to toes.
Cocooned, tenderly enclosed.
Her body grew larger and harder. She no longer had control on her movements or thoughts. Sounds and fluids continued flowing on their own accord. Her organs ripped, her muscles and bones. Everything lost placement, the structure that held her forms was being opened, distorted, reduced.
When Self opened her eyes, the air was heavy and memories diluted. Every breath, every exhalation reduced the space. She felt thirst and desire. A soft fluid sensation made her dizzy. Other’s tongue travelled through Self’s cocoon.
‘‘One last kiss
One last lick
One last forever lasting orgasm.’’ - said Other.
Every cell in her shivered creating a palpitating gesture. And then, as if almost unexpectedly, Self exploded.
Vfvfvfvooooooooompf
Sound came out as if in search for dissonance. Returning to the external world where sound belongs. Always in motion, unstoppable to outer spaces, waving with no one but everything to listen.
Her body, now anything, unformed, accelerated. No longer seeking for form but potential.
Skinscapes as multiplicity. Aiming to touch and be touched. Never static never stopped but neither completely free. Since we all know that this dance, this song, this life is a pact with a structure from which we will never be free.